Friday Fortune

I think i am destined to spend my Friday morning MRT rides to work sandwiched between two overweight ladies whose combined behinds could probably fill my seat as well as theirs. It happened to me last week, and again today! I think if I got up mid-trip, their excess asses would just unfold onto my seat and totally engulf it. The only thing preventing that from happening, was me!!!

TGIFF.

To the Theatre for some Dim Sum Dollies

What is it about plays and the theatre that attracts all the pretty people? You should have seen the women and wanna-be women at the Dim Sum Dollies last night. It was a good show flavoured with jokes about the current local ‘in’ topics of conversation like casinos and the regrettable Mr Durai, even touching on issues like the presidential election and the ruling party. Funny. And the Mini Dim Sum Dollies were the cutest.

But what truly stood out to me was the type of people that patronises these theatre shows. They really are the pretty people. I saw a pair of lovelies on the arms of their respective Caucasian lesser halves. Man, they would have given Jamie Ong a run for her money. True fantasies come true. All toned and tanned, the men weren’t that far off either. If only they played for the right team and did not partake of man-meat. But hey, I ain’t complaining because looking like they do, they would probably be hogging most of the punanni, if they were interested that is.

Dim Sum Dollies. $70 stall seats. I hear that due to the overwhelming response, the organisers have extended the showing by a week. Excellent.

The show was much better than expected and the jokes were actually quite funny in a very local kind of way. So if you are not familiar with the current happenings in Singapore and the general political climate, you will be missing out on the best bits. Emma Yong is incredibly versatile, with a sing-song Chinese accent when playing Zhang Zhi Yi and a commendable Indian one when she took on the role of a Chapatti Chickpea. Pam Oei has a marvelous go as a Malay nurse, mat-ish accent and all. Selena Tan takes the cake though (and probably eats it back stage) with her stand up routine. My only grouse though is that as she found her jokes being well and truly appreciated by the audience, she started to speak faster and faster to the extent that some words and comedic effect were lost. But all in all, Selena handled the stand up portion well. I was hoping for more elaboration on the Bangla portion of her jokes, but I guess racist remarks may still be a little taboo for this ‘chap cheng’ country of ours.

Now talking about stand up and racial jokes, rumour has it that Mr Russell ‘Somebody’s gonna get a hurt real bad’ Peters is coming to town. Anyone can confirm this with details? First drinks are on me.

(You will notice in my writing a conspicuous absence of Hossan Leong. You see, throughout the show, I felt like jumping on stage and beating the crap out of him. CY wanted to kick his ass too. So he does not deserve a space here, except for an explanation in brackets. Sad. Just sad.)

Our Holiday

You know you have had a truly truly enjoyable vacation you feel a profound sadness when you are about to leave. This is how CY and i felt when all the GOs were lined up waving goodbye to us as the bus pulled out of the Club Med Bintan Ria driveway.

What makes a great holiday? The relaxing atmosphere; the good food; free beer and wine; activities that could keep you busy from sun up to sun down; an excellent live band; and simply just being away from work. Most of all, what made our trip truly enjoyable were the people of the village. The Club Med concept is truly brilliant.

We had been looking for a short holiday to get away from it all. Flights to Bali on all carriers were fully booked months in advance. Phuket and the other Thai destinations were a no no from our last experience in Krabi in 2002, unless you enjoyed a very wet beach vacation. So we settled on Club Med Bintan. We did not have very high hopes for this holiday, as we thought to ourselves 'how can an island 45mins away from our home be a true getaway holiday destination?'. We were soon to be proven very wrong.. You see, the Club Med concept does not require you be located in a ‘happening’ place like Phuket or Bali. All activities take place within the Club Med compound, and you do not need to venture out unless you felt the dire need to. Through my many sojourns into Tanjung Pinang for fishing, I knew what ‘city tour’ meant in Bintan.

The ferry ride was an excellent experience. Very much different from the rough and gruff experience of my monthly 2hr ride to Tanjung Pinang. There were actually 2 helpers at the entrance of the ferry telling guests to be careful and to watch their step. If you have the opportunity to take a ferry from TMFT and are bewildered as to which ferry goes to Tanjung Pinang and which one goes to the Bintan Resorts, let me give you a little hint- the one with the nice orderly queue at the gate, that’s the ferry going ot the Resorts. The gate with a mass of excited middle aged men with rods of varying lengths in hand, and auties with umbrellas with lesser manners than bengs and lians at a Giordano sale, that’s the one going to Tanjung Pinang.

Once in the ferry, the difference is even more evident. The Resort ferries have large bright clear clean windows and there is a fully-stocked snack bar with Calbees potato chips, instant noodles and hot and cold drinks. There is even a safety video informing all guests of the emergency exits of the boat and just before reaching Bintan, they play an introductory video of Bintan on the boats twin LCD screens. On the Tanjung Pinang ferries, well, it is safe to say that none of these amenities exist and finding a seat that does not have a plastic bag or an auntie with a screaming kid in it is a luxury all on its own. Passengers are however entitled to one little cup of mineral water, origins of which unknown. But that is all. No kind smiling faces, no snack bar. Just mineral water that seems to be specially designed to purge its contents onto your lap once any attempt is made to open it.

But I digress. Club Med. What a place. We swam in the clear waters, snorkeled and saw many colourful fish; kayaked till our arms ached; learnt to sail a small boat; shot quiver after quiver of arrows at the archery range; swung like monkeys on the trapeze till CY got blisters in her palms and a bruises all over; sun tanned until both of us got burnt, and ate and ate and ate. Free wine, free beer and each meal was a buffet of sorts.

Thank you Masa Masa, Matt and Renee for an very fun and joyous time on the trapeze, and showing us that beige men can fly. Our heartfelt thanks go out to Bernee and Derrick whose many beautiful songs, especially their wordless renditions of Dave Mathews’ Satellite and The Calling’s Wherever you will go were a beautiful end to our days and nights. To the rest of the GO team in Club Med Bintan who made our stay one of the most memorable in recent years, you will remain with us always… till the next time we see you again.

My Thoughts

Appreciate… appreciate the things around you and that which life has brought to your door step. Envision the less fortunate each time you whinge about eating the same thing for breakfast for the whole week and each time you think about how old your shoes are. At least you have shoes.

Love… love those around you whom you hold dear. Tell them how much they mean to you. Hold them tight and do not ever let them go. Appreciate your loved ones, because they will be there for you no matter what. Each time you think your parents or friends are asking too much of you, think again. This person would fall in front of a moving train to save you.

Trust… Love without trust is like flowers without rain. Trust your loved ones, and also be the object of their trust. You are their world, and they are your world.

Family… the only people in the world who will care about you when everything has gone to shit; the only people who will care about you when you have nothing left; the only people who will always accept you for who you are, care for you and love you. Appreciate them. Love them always.

Work... Life... Life... Work...

Is a job just a job? Are you supposed to just go into work, do what needs to be done to the best of your ability and then extricate yourself from ‘work’ and go home and be a totally different person?

I have been struggling with these thoughts recently. You see, I am in a dilemma about life and work. We are who we are. I know myself and my friends who have known me for the longest time, know no different. Are we supposed to be the same person at the work place? If so, why are there so many ass-kissers, ass-wipers, ass-coverers and just plain asses around? I do not see so many of them in normal everyday life, which leads me to believe that people are just not themselves at work. But… why?

Why can’t we be ourselves wherever we go? Why do we have to fake it everytime we go into out soulless, lifeless offices each morning? I hear u shouting from behind the room ‘To get ahead, stupid!’ But why then must we be like those fakos who cover their ass long enough to get to the top where, after years of holding their shit in has turned them into maniacal monsters, where when they finally release their load, they cover all below them in excreta? Why?

So is a job supposed to be ‘just a job’? Do we go in and go back out and make no sound, touch no one and not affect anyone else’s lives as we spend 16hr days in the office? How is this even possible?

By now most of you would have realised that I am an idealist, and in this scenario a utopist. Close friends say I want a perfect world, and it is not possible. Why not? Why can’t people be who they are at work, and the same outside of work? Why can’t we enjoy what we do and get paid well for it. I believe it is possible. I believe that it is not only possible for me, but for everyone else. People just give up after a while and they settle for something that is just ‘ok’, ‘alright’ or just ‘fine’. Why not open your eyes, ears and heart and look? Look, until you find your comforti place.

Everyday is a new day that brings with it new opportunities and challenges. And you never know what lies around the next corner of life.

Miss Universe- I just don't get it

The Miss Universe pageant- I just don't get it. Why do you have a beauty pageant and focus on the reigning MU helping HIV patients, traveling the world on good will missions and the like? Why do you spend almost half the air time showing her parading with Kofi Annan when all the viewers want to see is the swimsuit round. We do not want to hear witty repatoire between the contestants and the never-heard-of-before-co-hosts. We do not want to witness the sights and tastes of 'Amazing Thailand'. Trust me, if you showed the swimsuit round first, i do not think the MU pageant would end with as many viewers as it started off with. 1 million viewers? Yeah! To watch a BEAUTY Pageant!

'Are You Hot?' Now that series really got the blood pumping and more importantly, it got straight to the point. Contestants did not have to answer qeustions from a card. Contestants did not have to visit weird out of the way places in the country to have its residents point and stare just for a photo shoot. In this great series, all contestants had to do was to parade on stage in as skimpy attire as the censors would allow, and let the audience decide if they are HOT.

Excellent concept- Contestant goes on stage, struts, and makes the best pose he or she knows how. Audience votes, and u know immediately if you're hot or you're not. Cool.

Why present a show as having the most beautiful women in the world when half of the finalists cannot string a sentense together in English to save their perfect behinds? Why even allow these contestants to even reach the finals in the furst place? Why not just call it the 'Miss English-Speaking Diplomat' pageant?! If it is a pretty face and a hot body that they are looking for, i do wish they would just come right out and say it.

So i guess in the end you just have to ask yourself if you want to watch a true beauty pageant or a failed attempt at promoting 'World Peace'.

Today in MRT

The MRT train is synonymous with comfortable transportation in Singapore. Almost everyone i know takes the MRT as part of their daily commute. In the mornings, it is almost ritualistic- people walk into the MRT station, robotically and rudely grab a Today from the old guy who is giving it out, and hustle their way to the platform to push and shove their way into the train to get a seat for their ride to work. They then take out their newspapers, spread their arms as wide as possible (so that the person next to them does not get the chance to do the same) and start reading with great intensity.

This is where i take offence to most. Who died and made these people gods of the MRT? These people have paid for a single trip ticket, just like the rest of us non-Newspaper reading crowd. Non-newspaper reading people have the right to have an undisturbed journey to work. But this has not been the case of late since i changed jobs and use the MRT daily. I have had copies of other commuters' Today rest happily on my lap, on my head, and even lovingly carressing my nostrils. I have even woken up from my slumber to find copies of Today near enough for me to partake in the daily news as well. I have then had people give me a look of disdain when i attempted to adjust my butt so that i would not have to read what they are reading and just to have a more comfortable ride to work.

This just goes back to the simple issue of respect. Yes yes, many of you unfortunate readers who have stumbled across these ramblings of mine will probably start to groan of preachings of societal perfection. But i only speak the truth- Singaporeans have no freakin respect for others around them! How many of you have had the experience of meeting on the MRT 'King Dong'. Yes! King freakin Dong! I am understanding of larger-sized individuals who require more than one seat to accomodate their larger frames. But average sized individuals (mostly men) who insist on spreading their legs as though they were hung like mules, and hence occupy far more than one seat in the MRT, i have issues with.

There was this one guy, who the moment he sat down, proceeded to push his thigh against mine with considerable force. This all may sound gay and funny now, but it was extremely rirritating when it was happening. I was shocked! But what does a well-trained Singaporean guy do in such a situation? I pushed back!. And hence, the entire trip from Tampines to Raffles Place ended up being this to-ing and fro-ing, with both of us pretending as though it were a normal part of the MRT ride to be forcefully trying to maintain my rightful space at my seat. Ri-di-fucking-lous!!! Respect for personal space and a more gracious society? My foot!

And my best one so far.... today, i experienced the same King Dong situation again. Bleary-eyed, i glanced over at the insolent fool, and lo and behold.... Auntie! Why u like that?! King Dong she was not. Actually, i am still not quite sure what she was Dong-ing about.

So there, the morning ramblings of a Singaporean who takes the MRT to work daily. You meet all different kinds of people on the MRT, some good- like this guy the other day who gave up his seat to this pregnant lady who was not actually pregnant, just fat; some funny- like the other time when this lady actuallly fainted in the MRT, and while her husband was trying to wake her, this Auntie came along, splattered a whole bottle of the ubiquitous Axe Brand Oil on the poor ladies face and then proceeded to slap her really really hard; and of course you will also meet the inconsiderate King Dong and Queen er...nevermind.

We meet all kinds of people on this little island of ours. Stupid people just shouldn't breathe.